Red

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Then, those days were back in an instant.

They said to conquer your fears, and you did. You found refuge in that way. You felt control since all your life you’ve been a puppet to everyone and everything. Your lifeless world can have color in it with a few strokes. The stinging pain that gives you comfort. The color that gives you life. 

You would be there again, alone, hurt, but alive and in control.

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i still remember the time when you would let me lie down on you lap 

and when you would feel my scars and when you touched them it felt like all of my problems were going away

and when you would randomly hold my hand at fully booked

or when you would put your head on my shoulder

or when you would sing for me at bad nights

even hold my face and wipe my tears when i cry

when you would ditch everything and just walk with me all afternoon

we could go all around the campus for a hundred times and it wouldnt matter

and how we used to kiss randomly while walking and get scared that we might get caught

and how you would hug me without me even asking for it

and how you greet me with that smile i’ve always been waiting for after school or even lunch

when you would go out with me unplanned and we’d have adventures together

and when it was just the two of us who felt the world without saying it was getting boring

but it did, for you

and when the bad nights came i was left all alone

and when the bruises came back everyone noticed but you

and when my hands were shaking there was no one to hold them

but why do i still love you as much

by

Love isn’t a contest which imposes rules and equality for the people who are part of it.

Sometimes you have to accept that no matter how many nights you’ve been up planning your cupcake, no matter how much time you spend thinking about it, no matter how much boxes of whipped cream you put, no matter how much sprinkles and chocolates and white chocolates you add to make it the best cupcake, some people will still prefer the plain ones.

and it’s not the person’s fault for not eating the special one because that person can never force what he or she likes, it just comes naturally.

and that wasn’t a selena gomez reference.

and it’s not the fault of the baker for doing overly dressing the cupcake because that person just wanted to give the best for the person he or she is giving it to.
Love is a bitch but you can never blame anyone for it. 

Love wrecks but you just have to accept it.

Love can be hateful but if you really love the person you can never get mad at him or her for what happened. 

Because that’s love

and there were times it made you feel different about the world and how wonderful it is to create someone that you love.

but sometimes people crave for mamon and not a cupcake

but you can’t stop yourself from hoping one day that person craves for an overly dressed cupcake because why not

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I was supposed to surprise you today…

but it seems like i won’t be able to for a long time. 

I just want to live again and get out of this house but she needs me.

And it kills me because I need you

Masama ba ang umibig?

by

naranasan mo na bang magmahal?

…ang tunay na magmahal?

Hindi madaling nangyari kundi matagal. Isang pagkikita, Isang pag-uusap. Nagsimula sa pagbati at hanggang ngayo’y patuloy na bumabati sa bawat pagsikat ng araw. Isang normal na tao na dati’y hindi mo kilala, ni hindi mo nakikita. Ngunit sa isang tingin nabago ka niya. Sa isang haplos ay napatitigil niya ang mundo mo. Isang tila diwata ngunit siya’y totoo at sa kabutihang palad ay nakilala mo.

naranasan mo na bang mahulog?

Sa bawat araw ay patuloy mo siyang nakikilala. May mga klaseng pagmamahal na naglalaho pagkarating sa isang gawaing hindi napagkakasunduan. May mga pag-ibig na naglalaho sapagkat ang isang naubos ang iniaalok na pagsinta. 

bakit ganitong pagmamahal ang isinusulong ng mga tao?

anong pagmamahal ba ang mayroon tayo?

Isang pagmamahal na walang hinihinging kundisyon. Isang pagmamahal na sa bawat araw ay lalong na mumunga at hinding hindi malalata. Isang pagmamahal na bihira’t kakaiba.
Isang pagmamahal na mali sa mata ng karamihan.

….ngunit kailan pa naging mali ang magmahal ng lubusan?

at kailan pa naging tama ang pagtalikod sa tunay na nararamdaman ng isang tao upang makiisa sa tradisyon at paniniwala ng nakararami?

Hindi naman tayo namili, basta’t alam natin na mahal na mahal natin ang isa’t isa. hindi natin alam kung saan tayo dadalhin ng pagmamahal na ito, ngunit ito ang nagbibigay sa atin ng kasiyahan at ito ang bumubuo sa atin.

kasalanan bang magmahal?

kasalanan bang sundin ang laman ng puso?

kasalanan bang maging masaya?

kasalanan bang akin ka at ako’y sayo?

bakit ba mas pinapanigan ang pagmamahal na karaniwan sa halip na tanggapin ang mga tunay na nagmamahalan 

5 am thoughts

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Is it too greedy to ask for you?

To wake up in the middle of the night in pure joy because damn, the love of my life is sleeping right beside me. 

It’s when I’m beside you that I feel safe and happy.

and i hope you feel the same way
kasi gago miss na miss na kita

dp #1

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basically today was full of fucks while being stuck in bed. okay. There’s my love-hate relationship with people i haven’t talked to in a while hm but ok i’ll admit it life isn’t as bad:

1. she still talked to me (and hi from my annoying self)

2. oreo truffles and carrot juice

3. my stupid dog and the smell of strawberries

4. there’s this container of ice cream (which i thought was turned into a fish container) but…it had ice cream

full gallon of ice cream 

5. so that’s how holding a real gun feels like

6. philippines winning the first set of u23 and screaming like hell by myself while watching because dammit

7. no nose bleed today besides the fact that i didn’t take a bath

8. looking forward to the new bed cover mother is sewing

9. happy birthday to a friend and she’s alive

10. talking to old friends after a long time

11. waking up my dad without getting in trouble (it includes tummy poking)

12. a picture of a book with a perfect angle to the lamp beside it and the effect was great

13. no more period

14. scolded less today

15. aircon 

16. getting rid of the dirt on my toothbrush cover after months (ew but finally)

17. finding the long lost chocolate

18. no expired food today

19.successfully brushing my dog’s teeth

20. high school memories and batangas memories

and still tears were shed